Currently Listening Crazy Ex-Girlfriend By Miranda Lambert Everybody Dies Famous In A Small Town see related

Home (Kansas) is amazing!!

Let me start by saying...well...wish I could think of a good place to start but let's try the beginning.

Friday: 

12pm.  I wake up from the day before which included activities such going from 8:30am to 10:30pm.  RA training for my new job and then shadowing on the job.  I'm now working with mentally handicapped boys for 20 hours a week.  As much fun as it was to hang out with those boys for the first time, I was dead tired.  So I got home and made sure to get at least 5 hours of sleep.  Yes...only 5.

4:30pm.  I finally get done packing which took less than half an hour.  Yes, I was packing to head home for the 2nd time in 7 days.  Last week I saw my sister graduate as Valedictorian and this week I was accompanying Brent home so he could attend his class reunion and so we could all hang out.  The Sioux Falls Vixen came along to surprise her man, 'ol Yeller.  So we all jumped in the S-10 and took off.

approx. 8:30pm  We hit Sutton, Nebraska with torrential force.  Perhaps that's too strong a word as we were all kinda wired but still amped about the evening's activities.  Oh, I didn't mention the anticipation we were all in?  Wow, how could I forget to speak about good things that would happen.  Before leaving, I called my folks to confirm the facts concerning their whereabouts for that night.  They were about 3 hours away, watching my sister run in the state trackmeet.  They wouldn't get home until late Saturday night   So Debby (that's me) was a free man for 24+ hours!!  Luckily there were other people to occupy my attention.

So, back to the activities.  We went to THE SHACK!   YEAH!!!!!!!!  The Shack is awesome, although I don't enjoy it nearly as much as I used to.  My desire to go there is more about the company, as of late, and less about the activites which center around the shack's inherent nature, if you catch my drift.  So, I enjoyed watching people interact and just laughed for the most part.  Those in attendance were myself, Ubie Jr., The Loon, Lolo, Andrearaptor, Lon, Jodi, Netta and Julie.  Those who spent the night were myself, Ubie Jr., The Loon, Lolo and Andrearaptor.  The five of us camped out in the loft.  Cozy, might be a good descriptive word.  During the night, many people had to "visit the woods" and we were also conversing with some good coyotes thanks to Ubie's coyote call.  Then a deer snorted at us from a nearby field.  Kinda creepy but memorable, nonetheless.

Just a side note, these girls were here visiting because they love us plus they were hard-up for any entertainment during their summer months.

Saturday 

10:30am  We decided to wake up and begin the activities planned for this day.  We headed over to the Loon household (home of Carol and Steve Ubie and 'ol Yeller).  There we started shooting things like mad!!!  Lolo had her brother's 9mm Glock along so we experimented with it's firepower.  Apparently guns will destroy pop cans if you shoot them enough times.  So after we did that, Ubie went to his reunion and so Loon and I and the girls went to visit the Rol Camp Compound, if it could be called that.  After a short tour, we decided to venture over to Beloit and watch Pirates 3.  Pretty darn good flick and definitely cheap, at $4 a pop.

10:00pm  Brent returned from his reunion and the evening's activities got underway.  We had plans to drive around the countryside, exploring old houses and spotlighting little critters along the way.  If the eyes we saw had been a cougar, then I might have a hunting story, but it was just a 'coon.  So, we found the sweetest old house ever!  Two stories, tons of junk:  furniture, books, bottles, etc.  The lateness of our journeys pretty much wiped us out, but we knew the weekend wasn't quite over.

Sunday  Church.  You know the drill.  The girls did get to witness Debby signing for the ladies at church.  I think they were mildly impressed.  We all took naps and then we headed upstairs in the church after the evening service.  After getting on the roof, we camped out in the bell tower which was pretty tight, to say the least.  Jeffrey Koops was there and he and Marla invited us over for a visit at their house and then we went to Bob's house for a bonfire.  It was very relaxing to just sit in good weather with a good fire and talk about times gone by.

Monday  Golfing.  Shady Bend.  We all did pretty good, considering.  Pizza Hut afterwards.  Lolo had to get home so she split after much hugging with Andrearaptor.  Then Ubie and I picked up Abigail and we headed home.

So....I'm pretty sure Kansas is the best state in the world and it only gets better when you are in a good state of mind with good friends, relatives and random acquaintances and critters.  We didn't need The Shack or guns or vehicles, although they did help us stay occupied.  Another successful journey to the land of our mothers!

Currently Listening Modern Day Drifter By Dierks Bentley Settle For A Slowdown see related

It's been 909 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga!!

Has it really been that flippin' long?  I suppose Xanga wouldn't lie to it's least dedicated user.  Or maybe I'm wrong.  I've been wrong before.

And I've definitely been wrong lately...life is pretty much just a hassle cuz I make it that way.  Truth be told, I've been wishing for a week all by myself where I could let God kick me in the ass and not give me any choice but to shape up and start living according to Scripture...or at least read it once in a while.  My mind has been entirely out of whack and I'm pretty sure I need counseling.  Not your average run-of-the-mill counseling.  I'm talking doctor/testing/diagnosis/treatment or drugs.   I need the whole she-bang with the least bit of expense, as I'm still renting and that costs money.

So it looks like this summer I might be taking some time for me and God and giving that a go.  I type it here mainly so I remind myself what needs to be done and partially so that others might see it and I know that if I don't fix myself, then I'm letting others down too.  I'm a burden to myself and others.  I've said it for months now and it makes me sick.  I've been gliding through life on a country music song, I guess, seeing nothing but horizons and forgetting the here and now.  So I'd settle for a slowdown if it would only help.

Plans for the coming weeks/months:

1.  Sister/cousin's graduation
2.  Dordt graduation
3.  SERVE Mission trip to Virginia
4.  Summer work (Hope Haven, hopefully)
5.  Country Stampede concerts in Kansas
6.  seeing more of Calvin and Roshelle's baby, Matthias James!!!
7.  general relaxation (including parties, golfing, reading, blogging, guitar, sudoku, shooting, MapleStory and facebooking, of course)

So, here's to the next 3 months of change.  I think we could all use a little bit of that, couldn't we....

Long time, no see.

I'm still me...Little Debby...individually wrapped and waiting to for you to unwrap a smile.
I'm in the mood for a little writing, blogging, rumination, etc.

I think I figured out my main issue all these years.  It's been hard for me to find motivation to do much of anything, let alone "xanga".  (Perhaps that's the reason for a 2:34 a.m. post)  But back to my problem...I've made some awesome friends at Dordt and I know I'll keep in touch with them for many years to come.  I've seen them grow, mature (yeah, right!) and seek God's Will for their lives.  I've done some changing too, I guess.  I switched majors and switched on-campus employment (Covenant maintenance gets a huge thumbs-down)  I've I've lent my car to unresponsible young ladies and some of them have lent their thoughts to me in a time of need.  I've spoken ill of people and I've praised God.  I've loved and lost and never looked b ack, at least not longingly.  I'm ready to move forward but something makes me want to linger.  My motivation is still in hibernation, using up all those stored fats which has subtracted from my freshman-15 (and soph. 70, junior jillion, and senior septillion)  This "Wheat Thin"-of-a-man is in desperate of being needed.  For years I've been the leech or ramoray, just idling by on the backs of my friends, professors and family.  Never too far behind, I tag along to several events, both negative and positive.  I've gone through pairs of cool shoes, hoping they would lead me to better ventures, but they've been worthless.  My clothes might reek of "attempted-hotness" but they don't keep me warm on cold nights.  I need to be needed.

As I anticipate "working" on the Sabbath, it seems to me that this is the place for me.  No, not for eternity, but perhaps for longer than I had ever imagined.  The commons is a wonderful place.  They need me there.  I'm a valuable and intricate part of the framework which provides food *cough* for the student and faculty/staff of Dordt College.  Just the other day, I spent nearly 12 hours total working from dawn until dusk (nearly).  Thursday I was stranded on campus (shucks!) and so I volunteered my services for the short-handed staff.  Then after spending the night on campus, I worked the breakfast, lunch (dinner) and dinner (supper) shifts.  All 3.  8:00-3:00 and 5:00-6:30.  And all of this was volunteer.  I could have played Halo all afternoon and had less arm/hand pain than is gained from a shift at the Commons.

I'm also needed at the Grille.  4 days a week I work the morning and afternoon shifts straight through to 3:00, staying later on Tuesdays to do deep-cleaning on the equipment.  I was put in these shifts because the manager of the Grille (Bev) is fighting a battle with cancer.  Blood tests, hospital visits and general fatigue plague her on a daily basis.  Her mind has been affected slightly, so her thought process is less than it ought to be.  So I'm her replacement-buddy.  If she needs to leave, I'm there to take over.  I'm so very thankful that I could help someone through their physical ailment.  I know what it's like to battle a disease which causes fatigue and requires routine testing.  I know the wear and tear it has on your body and mental health.  It's no picnic, to say the least.  So this is my "square-inch" for now, to missue a popular quote.  It fits me, and so do those lovely maroon aprons. 

"Hi, what can I get for you?"
"Defender Grille, this is Trevor."
"Do you want fries with that?"
"Do you want your bagel toasted?"
"Red or green apple?"
"Fry this"
"The pizza oven stopped spinning again!"
"Here come our decliners!"
"No refills!"

Oh, the drama.
Oh, the blessing.

Trevor DeBey
-- Dordt College Staff --

P.S. More country songs and general poetry/songs to follow.

More songs I forgot I had!

Didn't Do Anything

Let your mind go back to

When we were just a coupla fools

And nothing could hold us back

We sat there on the dock

You were wrapped in my arms and we rocked          

In that cracked, old rockin’ chair

CHORUS

I wanted to sing

And just give you that ring

But I didn’t…

I couldn’t do anything….

I saw you yesterday

You forgot when we had kissed and played

And it seemed like you don’t care

When I wave you just nod

You think my heart’s healthy, but it’s not

Cuz you just won’t say hello

CHORUS

My throat was all dry

Felt like I could have cried

But I didn’t...

I couldn’t do anything….

I wrote this song down

But it’s too late now...

to do anything...

(Just a song, I guess)

What I feel is not inside

My heart’s in the wrong place

Somethin’ tells me to get it right

And tell it to your face

Without a voice I cry to you

Screaming words of lost hope

Not sure how to put this quite yet

But somehow I know…

CHORUS

When I write it down on paper

I know those thoughts aren’t wrong

When your face is on my heart

You bring about a song

Maybe you’ll hear this one day

When you miss me most

I pray it gives you comfort

Then at least you’ll know…

CHORUS

I can’t tell you more than this

Believe it and you’ll see…

CHORUS

NEW SONGS/POETRY

Loving Hands (country spiritual song)

Been wrestlin’ with the idea of a wife and kids and a mailbox

Visions of diapers and romance and chicken-pox

Now the question’s not so much when or how or where

It’s just a matter of love

When Grandma was sick couldn’t think of nothin’ to do but hug her

A card in the mail says to ‘Get Better’

My priorities aren’t my grades or my health

It’s just a matter of love

Took way too long to get to church.  Couldn’t leave without my Bible.

Had to dust it off but I know that’s fine.

I know my faith’s been slackin’ off but

It’s just a matter of love

CHORUS

Love sure is a funny thing

Even when it’s so unclear

Hand in hand, walkin’ with her

Or at night when we read Scripture

Oh love makes so much more sense when it’s in my hands

So I’ll hold on with all my heart

Cuz that’s all I have to give.

Un-Written (poem)

There’s that part of me

On the surface but so deep

Uncontrollable

Undeniably…ugly and broken

Hits me in the stomach

Always makes me feel so sick

Unsatisfying

Understandably…infecting and gross

Fills me to the utter brim

I can’t see love but I know I love Him

Uncompromising

Unshakably…strong yet my faith is weak

This is really hard

Not finding my way in a world so dark

Unfruitful

Unbreakable…promises of grace

Let Your Kingdom come

Your Will is heard…Your Will is done

Uncomparable

Unbelievable…yet I believe all the more

Tried To Run Away (poem)

Tried to run away from love

All I got was a speeding ticket

Coming back to a place of renewal

Somehow I knew I couldn’t fix it

Tried to win this anger war

All I got was a bleeding heart

Made me feel all warm inside

But only a small part

Tried to find a place to grow

All I got was weeds

Wondering what it all is for

Not knowing who I’ll be

Tried to find a way to beat this

All I got was further behind

Everything seems so far away

Somehow it won’t let me find

Tried to stop time just now

All I got was a broken clock

I’m the one ticked off at life

Somehow I know I’m not

Tried to throw away my past

All I got was a returned letter

Postage cost too much anyway

Why can’t I seem to get better?

Tried to cover up the wounds

All I got was streaks

Don’t let me fool myself to think

That all I do is bleed

Anything I Do (Christian rock song)

Anything I do

It’s always in Your Will

Going back and forth

Sometimes moving sometimes still

Anything I do

Doesn’t seem to help much

I just wanna quit

Just fall away and give up

No matter how hard I pray

Keep falling to my knees in dismay

Cursing out loud or in my head

Whether I’m living or whether I’m dead

Where is understanding?

Where is constant truth?

Where is life eternal?

Where can I find You?

Somehow I know I can’t mess this up

Somehow I know I can

Someday I know it’ll all come through

Someday I’ll understand